martial arts rant pt 2

By the way, one of the most profound things said to me in recent years was by this artist we had the chance of meeting a few years back when picking up a painting.

He was finishing his degree and going back to school in his forties. He was reflecting on the students in the class, who when posed a question had an insatiable desire to answer the question. And to be right. When really the professors often asked open-ended questions as well as questions where folks just don’t know the outcome. There may not be one. If there is one it might not always be the answer. Who knows. Point being, no one, he felt, could really sit with the silence of considering the question.

Anyway, this artist identified the driving emotion behind these incessant questions as fear, namely fear of the unknown and said, “Isn’t it great when you don’t know?”

Isn’t it great when you don’t have the answer?

 

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#14

a fox

in a moment of magic

little beams of light

to deeply connect to the world in a way others can’t

asks the question

which way to go

directions

asks itself

there is no fear of choosing the wrong way

the world is an opportunity

yes it walks

stepping into the uncomfortable space

to be resourceful

to figure out a way

all that abounds

is playful laughter

#6

i don’t care who gets the ring

who wears it

who has the lamps and the cleaning supplies and

don’t you know there are hearts now everywhere?

like the kind that said hellooooo

and after a long yawn

and that the stuff is no longer here

i don’t care

split it a million ways and could all be moved to the garbage dump

swimming in the Pacific gyre

sea of memories of times when they just sat

or spoke to tell story

and my heart goes up up

up up

rate goes up up

up

increase the value of the living beings i once (still do?) knew

as each inch of carpet is dissected like delicacy

everything has it’s price

but it won’t bring them back

neither will the picture frame

the desk

The vacuum

neither will the claims and tears and arguments of what a human heart is capable of feeling

that she didn’t have a limit on how much she put out

as did he

as did she

as did all of them

and my blood boils when i think of how we devour the unimportance of

what’s left

dilated and honed in pupils my heart beats at rebellious pace

to high pitched scream

in order to be grounded once again

in the midst of this greedy confusion

i hate

talking

about

this stuff

#5

more confused than angry

more stuffed away than needing to speak

more afraid of meaning than feeling

more resentful than righteous

more betrayed than mistrustful

more disgusted than indulgent

more agitated

more disappointed

more hurt

more angry about the understanding than the experiencing

such a fleeting moment

it lingers longer than is comfortable

then is washed away by song

and sun

and tomorrow

moving like a cloud

imagine if you could move through the world with no fear 

no hesitation 

that every encounter made you stronger

more nimble

imagine if you didn’t worry about what people say

or what they think

or if you’re pleasing someone 

imagine if you recognized parts you didn’t like about yourself

and they disappeared

that they were capable of growing

imagine how fluid you’d be 

moving through the world like a cloud in the sky

imagine if you didn’t have to hang on so tightly 

for things to happen 

imagine if you could glide and get  what needed to be done

done

you would be so free

you would be so light

you could breathe again

you could think of nothing 

you could think of everything 

you could be

if you knew that you know

if you didn’t have to try 

because you could do it already

and then it just becomes a matter of when 

you could move with such joy

 without fear all

drive

like a hungry animal

like one that stalks and paces

like one with its eyes fixated

mind fixated

like one who waits with open jaws

like one who is ready to pounce

like one able to bound off into a run

running without thought to any ending 

any beginning

like a roar

like a whisper

like a low growl

like a snarl 

like one that hunts

like one that makes the others run

like one who darts

and moves

and in its movement 

causes fear

causes a jolt 

a doubt

and suddenly there they are

there it is 

animal, like one who is hungry

who has a deeper desire than most will ever know 

the kind that cannot be stopped 

will never die

will never quit 

will always move

in the day to day

i heard it said once 

that we are a mixture of dark and light

that what matters is the choice we make

in any given moment

and it’s a careful balance 

day by day

to walk this line

where at any given time 

we could falter

but i like to think that

even from mistakes

we can learn

and even when we fail

there is the promise of recovery

and that in retaining 

the memory 

the intention 

we have the capacity 

to do tremendous good

and sometimes

in some small way

we do that

and people support us

and sometimes

we reveal where we are afraid

and people help us 

they say it’s okay

they say this because they believe in us

and they see the goodness 

that comes from an open heart

and those are the people

i’m glad to have by my side

in the day to day 

a heartbeat

what does it matter hot and cold?

cool breeze on an evening

or warm sunny bench at midday

what’s it like to be in between those worlds?

one foot on each place

over the boundary on the edge of reality

how does it feel to be without words?

the deepness

the richness 

of experience touched with grace

to be within change

to feel the rise and fall of water and keep as steady as possible

to strive and to reach

and to laugh because it happens

because laughter keeps on sparkling

because water has moments of twinkling light

because the fear is something to work with 

because there are things you already know

because wonder is the photographic memory of each breath

because those that love draw close

because laughter is spirit

and there are moments 

when the song of the world is 

infinitely beautiful