guardians

the pressure can be great

it can be managed

it can become somehing that needs to be addressed 

it can become like a leaky faucet

it can overflow 

these moments require the support of guardians

who can repair

can reestablish any connection

the guardians know how to traverse difficult lands

how to overcome barriers

and the flow returns

there is no more pressure

only movement

break

moments before breaking

sliding down a hill in slow motion

lower you go, tighter your throat

closes up to the head and eyes are

hot 

gotta move

wandering back and forth

pacing like a tiger in a cage

pacing like a bear in a cafe

pacing looking around paranoid at who hears me

and the directness of speech

if i choose to answer honestly is what releases the bubbling

boiling under skin

as i turn in to the wall

don’t want anyone to see

that something that this is hard right now

and i crack under pressure 

but somehow it’s ok

i don’t know why or understand it but it’s ok

and as i look back there is a rainbow 

bright and bold

all colors in perfect view

could i have seen that if i hadn’t needed to take a moment?

i don’t know…

view from the ocean floor looking up to sunlight

i am lying on the bottom of the ocean

looking up 

seeing through light and shadows

looking through

different planes of glass layered over one another

it is peaceful on the bottom of the ocean

peaceful and quiet

yet very cold

and sometimes the pressure

the weight 

hurts my chest

i look up and see the underbellies of the fish that swim by

it looks like they are flying

like i am watching great creatures move across the sky

they can’t see me 

they don’t look down

i look up

like clouds moving

sometimes i can feel the sunlight 

rays of sunlight 

even from down here

water makes it move like a flower

this is the most interesting part of my days on the ocean floor

that’s when i forget that it hurts to breathe