my adventure

begins with a long road

i picture myself lifted up floating

i know i can do this now!

and my vision pierces through light and dark

like an arrow that doesn’t land

there is no end

pay attention

to the way in which

despite the cuts from endless sources

the emerging growth

an interruption of thought

glimmers softly along your walk

please pay close attention

visualizing purple clouds

seeing the infinite landscape stretched out before me

cloud lines along the distant mountains

just a scribble on the paper

in purple bleeding ink

soaks into the page and down into where the mountain meets the water

can you see it in double vision?

as something from within your imagination, a picture within the mind

and as a blank page ready to be filled with the etchings

markings that represent a complex situation

state of being

relationship

dynamic

symbols and visualization meet together and form a reality

this is something understood to be real

to be felt and lived and experienced

a visual picture of the beauty we wish to see

wish to communicate

articulate

and the translate into words

into paintings

which have a life of their own that they contend with

living in reality

there is nothing fake about the sun meeting the earth

it happens every day

sometimes you are fortunate enough

to see the synchronicity of wisps of clouds

weather bringing blue skies

cloudy skies

sometimes you are fortunate enough to see the moment when colors

where light collides and blends into itself

pink clouds

bright orange yellow sun in the sky peeks from behind dusty mountains

these are real things

real experiences

though you may think this is too beautiful to be real

here is the world

the world says to you every day

here i am

do you see me?

we look

we miss it sometimes

we try to take it in the best we can

we try to let it fill us

but there is so much more

and to call it fake would be a lie

to say it wasn’t real would negate so much

eons and eons

a lot of time goes into this

the stripes in the rocks don’t happen overnight

and the sun will look different tomorrow than it did today

there is nothing hard about this truth

and it’s not inconvenient

it just is

it will be whether we see it or not

blindfolded

like being blindfolded

and someone tells you

of the beauty that’s out there

and you’ve only seen that in dreams

and it’s hard to believe

to hold

even to picture

in your mind

what this way out could look like

for instance

are there people who don’t live like this?

who aren’t affected?

is a dream some place we can access?

where things are different?

i’m walking not with my eyes closed

but with a blindfold

and where is the point where

skepticism breaks

where a new reality really is possible?

what i really mean to say

yea…

i think most of the time

you’re not going to understand anything i’m talking about

this is me reflecting my experience

which is only slightly annoying

only slightly annoying because it’s slightly disappointing

only slightly disappointing because i suppose i just assume too much

i only assume too much –

like i’ve got high expectations

i suppose –

because i think we can do better

that’s not a bad statement

or even something to feel really ashamed about

it’s not a harsh judgement

it’s like

hey we can be better

it seems like a true starement

but i could be wrong

which is why when you don’t understand me

it’s like huh

how ’bout that…

well maybe i’m not saying this in a way that truly resonates

little things that seem like givens aren’t givens

i guess

it’s the strangest feeling

and you feel lonely about it occasionally

because maybe what you’re trying to communicate is too hard to understand

too complicated

maybe it’s way too out there

or implies that you are disconnected with reality

and i think hey that’s possible

anything’s possible
but then i’m like well some of this stuff i believe in or push people on

it’s good stuff

i think…

what if it’s more like —

we both can be better

like emphasize the we

that’d make it more palatable right

like because then i’m underlining

or maybe italicizing the important words to emphasize my intent

my intent beyond the words

because the words themselves can stand for so much

can signify one thing to you

another thing to me

something else to this person and-

ah fuck this

words do not communicate what you would like them to

do they

or maybe can you be hopeful

that if you talk around it

and alternatively get closer and farther away from

Meaning

that folks kinda get it

like looking through a crack in a fence

at a beautiful garden

i mean the garden’s nice, guys

i’m just saying…

nonfiction fantasy

there’s a point where the fiction and nonfiction begin to blur

cross over

into something

unreal

real

stories and words

that you can’t make you

they make up

a devisive narrative

confusing

twisting

contorting facts

looking in the mirror doesn’t seem like such a farse now

reflection is that what it is?

the confusion is palpable

like you could hold it in your hand

gelatinous sack of goo

i look at it like you look at a dirty bathroom

how do you even clean this shit?

like go for bleach or use the natural cleaning products

it’s not about being squeamish now

it’s beyond abstract art

or deconstructed piles of wood

am i looking at a tree?

i don’t even know how to tell the difference from the reality and the knock off one

yet here we are

capital of surrealism

and wondering

wandering

in half dream states

blurry at the edges

names you can’t remember

suddenly from the back of your mind they spring forward

and it’s like finding something on the ground that doesn’t match the setting

can it go the other way though?

can we find starlight on the sidewalk for when we need it?

like when our hearts need relief?

one day one night

one day the stars looked down on you and gently

kissed your lips

it was like watching a pond filled with water

where drops from rain

all the sudden

dropped

and rippled out to the banks

where water meets earth

one night when all the animals slept so peacefully

i could hear you walking

it was only in my dreams

but i knew the sound that your clothing makes when it moves

i could hear as you tried to be quiet

as you tried not to wake me up

one day i woke up a heard birds that i’d never heard before

i saw life in another dimension

beyond 3-D

sometimes it’s so different

i think how it would be to go bak

but i can barely remember how it felt

to float