what i really mean to say


i think most of the time 

you’re not going to understand anything i’m talking about

this is me reflecting my experience 

which is only slightly annoying 

only slightly annoying because it’s slightly disappointing 

only slightly disappointing because i suppose i just assume too much 

i only assume too much –

like i’ve got high expectations 

i suppose –

because i think we can do better 

that’s not a bad statement 

or even something to feel really ashamed about

it’s not a harsh judgement 

it’s like 

hey we can be better

it seems like a true starement

but i could be wrong

which is why when you don’t understand me 

it’s like huh 

how ’bout that…

well maybe i’m not saying this in a way that truly resonates

little things that seem like givens aren’t givens

i guess

it’s the strangest feeling

and you feel lonely about it occasionally 

because maybe what you’re trying to communicate is too hard to understand 

too complicated 

maybe it’s way too out there

or implies that you are disconnected with reality

and i think hey that’s possible

anything’s possible 
but then i’m like well some of this stuff i believe in or push people on

it’s good stuff

i think…

what if it’s more like —

we both can be better

like emphasize the we

that’d make it more palatable right

like because then i’m underlining

or maybe italicizing the important words to emphasize my intent

my intent beyond the words

because the words themselves can stand for so much

can signify one thing to you

another thing to me

something else to this person and-

ah fuck this 

words do not communicate what you would like them to

do they

or maybe can you be hopeful 

that if you talk around it 

and alternatively get closer and farther away from


that folks kinda get it

like looking through a crack in a fence

at a beautiful garden

i mean the garden’s nice, guys

i’m just saying…

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