#6

i don’t care who gets the ring

who wears it

who has the lamps and the cleaning supplies and

don’t you know there are hearts now everywhere?

like the kind that said hellooooo

and after a long yawn

and that the stuff is no longer here

i don’t care

split it a million ways and could all be moved to the garbage dump

swimming in the Pacific gyre

sea of memories of times when they just sat

or spoke to tell story

and my heart goes up up

up up

rate goes up up

up

increase the value of the living beings i once (still do?) knew

as each inch of carpet is dissected like delicacy

everything has it’s price

but it won’t bring them back

neither will the picture frame

the desk

The vacuum

neither will the claims and tears and arguments of what a human heart is capable of feeling

that she didn’t have a limit on how much she put out

as did he

as did she

as did all of them

and my blood boils when i think of how we devour the unimportance of

what’s left

dilated and honed in pupils my heart beats at rebellious pace

to high pitched scream

in order to be grounded once again

in the midst of this greedy confusion

i hate

talking

about

this stuff

#5

more confused than angry

more stuffed away than needing to speak

more afraid of meaning than feeling

more resentful than righteous

more betrayed than mistrustful

more disgusted than indulgent

more agitated

more disappointed

more hurt

more angry about the understanding than the experiencing

such a fleeting moment

it lingers longer than is comfortable

then is washed away by song

and sun

and tomorrow

patiently 

waking up from a coma

forgetting where the door handle is 

yes, the one that can get you out

into the the light

how bright and warm it is

how different it is to be 

reflected in the light

smiling

what does this feel like?

how long have i been under?

how long have i grown accostomed to things that take a lot of effort?

it would make me cry to see a different way

still so hard to imagine

and yet that is the gift

eyes that open to see dazzling 

to see wonder

an infinite staircase ascending into the sky descending into the earth

and lifted from the depths of nowhere

a type of intangibility 

like lifting a bright floating flower

open my mouth to speak but the words are rusty illformed

i realize it will be a while until i can truly say what i feel

but the world does not know that

and animals, plants, creatures of all sorts lean in for storytime

coaxing speech from an infant who feels more at home in laughter

quiet stares

point to what you notice

befriend what isn’t there

because it is and maybe sleep has made me see in different amber light

where have i been?

where is this place i’ve been dreaming of?

how do we get there?

walking along the path distant beauty 

out of reach seemly and stretch as if to make connection

listening close to this 

and remembering not to forget to remember 

to remember what it is like to not understand 

to not know

to not know what you see 

or how you would describe it

and a gentle comfort you could sink into as you wait patiently

wait for the thing you want to say

the voice to use

the beauty to convey

remember to do that once you learn

what i really mean to say

yea…

i think most of the time 

you’re not going to understand anything i’m talking about

this is me reflecting my experience 

which is only slightly annoying 

only slightly annoying because it’s slightly disappointing 

only slightly disappointing because i suppose i just assume too much 

i only assume too much –

like i’ve got high expectations 

i suppose –

because i think we can do better 

that’s not a bad statement 

or even something to feel really ashamed about

it’s not a harsh judgement 

it’s like 

hey we can be better

it seems like a true starement

but i could be wrong

which is why when you don’t understand me 

it’s like huh 

how ’bout that…

well maybe i’m not saying this in a way that truly resonates

little things that seem like givens aren’t givens

i guess

it’s the strangest feeling

and you feel lonely about it occasionally 

because maybe what you’re trying to communicate is too hard to understand 

too complicated 

maybe it’s way too out there

or implies that you are disconnected with reality

and i think hey that’s possible

anything’s possible 
but then i’m like well some of this stuff i believe in or push people on

it’s good stuff

i think…

what if it’s more like —

we both can be better

like emphasize the we

that’d make it more palatable right

like because then i’m underlining

or maybe italicizing the important words to emphasize my intent

my intent beyond the words

because the words themselves can stand for so much

can signify one thing to you

another thing to me

something else to this person and-

ah fuck this 

words do not communicate what you would like them to

do they

or maybe can you be hopeful 

that if you talk around it 

and alternatively get closer and farther away from

Meaning

that folks kinda get it

like looking through a crack in a fence

at a beautiful garden

i mean the garden’s nice, guys

i’m just saying…

a song for returning

we are coming back

coming back into ourselves

remembering the past

remembering who we used to be

we are remembering how to walk softly

treading the earth with care

with every step there is a chance 

to shift deeper into the ground we walk upon

we are coming back to understanding where we are from

who we are

we are coming to a global understanding 

of how to put things right

how to return to balance

being patience on this journey

being warm

we are coming back into ourselves

with realization 

with gratitude 

with gentle care

and heartfelt compassion

we are coming back

growing pains

sometimes i think that when i tirn corners in my life

when i turn and drift into the curve

and suddenly you are neither here nor there

you are

you are in between

and in this space

nausea 

discomfort 

a feeling of faint

but i’m still standing

remembering that what is painful is real

and the pain is only temporary 

like moving in a different direction feels 

sometimes rocky

sometimes bumby

sometimes this terrain is smooth

and we go fast

and we cover so much distance

that leaning into the curve that winds

that dipping in further

only brings 

you closer

and you realize all your old clothes don’t fit anymore 

even if they fit

and your old way of doing things doesn’t work anymore

and ah!

you realize you don’t have to do it that way anymore 

you get to be who you are

cracked shell

and emerging like a beautiful bloom

eyes opening for the first time to see this place of possibility 

to see the curve turning in on itself

to move forward when the light flickers 

to move forward and a smile begins to emerge

because you realize 

yes!

you can do what you want to do!