blindfolded 

like being blindfolded 

and someone tells you 

of the beauty that’s out there

and you’ve only seen that in dreams

and it’s hard to believe

to hold

even to picture

in your mind

what this way out could look like

for instance

are there people who don’t live like this?

who aren’t affected?

is a dream some place we can access?

where things are different?

i’m walking not with my eyes closed

but with a blindfold

and where is the point where

skepticism breaks

where a new reality really is possible?

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big dreams within the stars

you could cast a net across the night sky

and find millions of blinking glittery light

the kind that twinkles 

and makes the dark blue sky look like the most amazing garment 

inside each light 

a different kind of wish

different kind of dream

but not to worry

there are so many stars in the sky

like grains of sand

so when you need to dream big

the sky has you

can help you out there

can give you what you need

blindfolded 

like being blindfolded 

and someone tells you 

of the beauty that’s out there

and you’ve only seen that in dreams

and it’s hard to believe

to hold

even to picture

in your mind

what this way out could look like

like are there people who don’t live like this?

who aren’t affected?

is a dream some place we can access 

where things are different?

i’m walking not with my eyes closed

but with a blindfold

and where is the point where

skepticism breaks

where a new reality really is possible?

how the dreams work

i believe this is another monologue… maybe it will find its way into a current project or at least be inspiration there of.
The dreams never happen when you want them to. And it’s too bad cuz they’re so good. Smooth dreams. Dreams with epic soundtracks and a sense of flow. A sense of trajectory. A sense of wonder. Dreams that make you think they are real. They can be. At least, they point to things. When you are in them, they unfold at this pace that’s just like… it’s stunning. But outside of them, they don’t make any sense. And people won’t believe. They will think you’re crazy. So, don’t be like me. Don’t tell anyone your dreams…

Sometimes I try to remember the common threads that got me to here. Old man. Red dress. Crow flying. A train.

A train edging into the night feels like heading into oblivion. Feels like heading into the heart of a black hole. Into the unknown with no way out. Into the deepness of something that will consume you. It will. 

Sometimes I want to be taken. The dream brings me in. I don’t want to be out. I see things clearer in there than any kind of picture. It’s only on the outside that it looks warped, convoluted, makes no sense. 

I’m getting better at learning its language. Sometimes I ask. Sometimes I ask for help and the dream answers. Finds a way to keep pointing to me where I need to go. 

People say, “okay, dream of this and it will happen.” But it doesn’t work that way. The dreams know where you need to go. The best you can do is ride them fully. Go with them until you’re at the place you need to be. You see what you need to see. Sometimes what you need to face. And it makes you stronger because you stand there watching. Always watching. Waiting to act. Aborbing. Taking it all in. Every detail. Every moment is stockpiled if it is felt. You gotta be patient. “Wait for it,” is an understatement. But it’s okay by me, because once I’m into something, I can stay on it a very long time. My endurance surpasses most and it keeps developing. Keeps getting stronger. 

And so when you wake up, you only have to move through the moments again. Replay it by walking through your steps.

Did you know the way we experience time is not real? Like it’s real, but it isn’t at the same time. We go from here to there. A to B. Progression. Succession. One thing after anothet, right? But we don’t really do that. Well, we do, but in our minds we remember the past, jump to the future, jump around and back to the present. All at the same time that we’re just here. Just here living life and experiencing its various complexities — such as time for one. We repeat again and again. Always new, never new. Never old because each moment it new. It’s circuitous. Spiraling. It’s not the shape you think it is. 

That’s my secret by the way. That’s why I’m never bored – only tired. And there is a difference. Boredom is not being entertained by whatever you’re experiencing. Being tired or exhaustion is when you still try to be actively engaged but you physically, psychologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually you are drained. You have less than you’re working with when you’re 100%. And that’s how I see the moment and why I can wait if I need to, because what I see when I am quiet with myself is a whole variety of things others don’t.

I see the future. And I see beauty. 

dream guide

i’m thinking this is a monologue. you can read it as such. or poetry if you prefer. i’m thinking it’s a part of a larger whole. at some point i’ll put in a guide to how i use punctuation in plays. though maybe it’s fairly intuitive. the key thing is to hear it.
this is what she says

she says

this is the beginning of a story

like a sweeping epic film

like a horse

no a cheetah running slow motion

like a wolf about to pounce

like a bear standing in a stream waiting to catch salmon

with its claws

with its claws

eyes locked

eyes set forward

unblinking

in full comprehension of the scene

eyes set

running

forward

quick jolt to the outside

lean

and then closer than ever

closing in

closing in 

and one slight leap

a pounce forward onto prey

onto 

and latching on 

latched on

holding

holding on

this is the beginning of a story she says

she says

i want to imagine yourself as a bird

as a dove

as an eagle

i want you to imagine yourself flying

see yourself in open blue

in open space

floor of green

i want you to see yourself

dream guide

i am the guide

i am the dream guide

this is your journey

i can make you real

do you want to be real?

give me your hand

 

bed under starry skies

She had a dream of being in a house. 

She had a dream of being surrounded by loving, welcoming, smiling people.

These were not the same dreams.

She felt safe again. She wasn’t sure if she should, but in the dream, she realized both in the house and at the place with many people, that people were welcoming her. Were taking her in. Were giving her a place. Wanted her to be there. Wanted her to feel comfortable. And happy.

And the tightness in her throat was not from the kind of hurt that normally came up. Rather, it was a release. It was overwelming. Encouraging, but overwhelming as she stood there among all the people who wanted to embrace her and greet her. People who wanted to know how she’d been. People who were familiar because and yet not at the same time.
The same with the house, which had been given to her. There for her as long as she wanted to use it. Always open. The door was never locked from her. And whether it was in between things, just a temporary spot, or some place she wanted to be indefinitely, she didn’t know. Only that she felt comfortable here. The kind of comfort, deep-seated like things were finally settling down.

In the middle of the night, all around her in the forest, insects chirping to one another. A bed of green below wide, ever-expansive starry skies. She stirred, and then was quiet. She slept soundly throughout the night. 

sleep

oh right sleep 

i remember you

i remember the kind of dreams 

deep 

that draw you in and hold you

i remember the comfort of sheets

the comfort of a mattress

the comfort of a pillow

room that’s the perfect temperature

and airflow

yes, breeze while you sleep

dream

fall into the other land

fall into a place where memory is manifest

thoughts are tangible

dreams are worlds you inhabit

and sometimes

you come across something truly wonderous 

something that makes you stop and say

wow

yes, this is sleep

 

moon guide

Clouds across the moon

Transparent curtain 

But behind the grey 

a bright shining light 

That radiates out as if to say

Hi! 

I’m here!

Don’t forget about me!

So that even in dark days 

There it is

Still as mysterious and luminous 

As the night before

Moon says 

Sweet dreams!

And watches over us as we sleep

Welcomes us into dreamland

Is our guide 

Among the landscapes of the strange and beautiful

Chasing sound

Whistling entered her mind and traveled with her in between the dream space and waking up. Like a far off call for attention. Warmth on the side of her face from the song. The melody this whistle sang drifted in and out. Her breathing grew heavier and she squinted her eyes. Dew from water pooled in a brilliant green leaf dripped onto her eyes. She opened them to the waking world. 

Sounds of the forest and she wiped the water from her eye and looked around. Forgetting at first how far she had traveled. Forgetting until she began to move her body how sore it was. Seeing dust caked on her legs and feet. Staring in front of her, not knowing what to do. Not moving, but lost deep within thought. For a moment still in between worlds. Listening to the insects buzz and hum.

The the whistle called out again from deep within the forest. She turned to its direction.

She knew she had to find it.

She leapt up. On the move and into greenery she disappeared. Chasing the sound of something always just beyond her grasp. She started laughing. And let herself drift deeper, deeper into the lushness of millions of leaves, branches, dirt, bugs, animals. It all waited for her as she disappeared to deeper within.

And the whistle called.

Growing echoes in the distance as she moved closer and closer to it.