as i bend down

to the ground

hands clasp

and i’m gasping

but i’m in control

you see

i’m just this specimen on the plate

squirming from the knife

yeah?

at least that’s what you think

“oh shit she’s for real”

but i’ve killed myself like seven times today while eating lunch

nothing here to see

except a low humming sensation

you can’t hear

and i only talk in riddles to anyone that has no concept of what i’m talking about

everyone else knows

sees

waits

listens

sometimes with open arms

which is nice when you have open arms to feel everything

god i hold my breath and wait for it to get better 

but it never does

does it?

so i can deal with that 

now that i know 

but somehow the medicine is hard to swallow at night

and so 

here we are 

instrusive hands gesturing

signaling

fucking with me

you just keep on going huh?

until the beat ends

until the beat goes on 

until smoke comes from your mouth

all cool 

like in the past

here i am 

watching from a distance 

wallflower maybe

in my own way

but i witness

the distruction within

i got it

i hold it

keep holding

keep remembering 

keep watching 

until

release

then

we got somewhere with all this shit

rest of night i just listen to blaring rock music

and beats that wont stop they dont stop

okay

okay

i listen

i listen

i listen like you do

when the wind blows through the trees and we’re home again

here’s your favorite song friend 

here’s what i got